I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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