If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
