it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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