i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
