No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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