I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
