I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
