you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
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