i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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