Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
