Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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