I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
