I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
