Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
