Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
