I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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