Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
