Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
