No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
