sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
the day after is always just damage control
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I will be naked everywhere
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
