Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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