i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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