ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
