well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
