Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Randomize
