We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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