I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
