Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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