It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
