Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
