He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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