My hair reeks of homosexuality.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
