I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
