I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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