Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
