ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
