What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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