I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
