You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
