I just pynch a tree in the face
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
