I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
