Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
