I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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