ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
