If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
