May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
