I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
So many bounce houses so little time
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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