I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
