I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
