If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
