I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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