I wannas sexs uuuuu
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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