Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
