the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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