dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
