hotel room ftw
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Randomize
