Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
