So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
