Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
