Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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