i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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