you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
